Recommendations of the Week July 17

It's that time of the week again. We're still getting back into the swing of things, so bear with us.

Ernesto Guillermo

Normally I'm not much of an "alien" or sci-fi type of person so when it comes to shooters I tend to stick with the likes of battlefield and call of duty. But for whatever reason the other day I decided to pick up a copy of Crysis 3, and I'm not exactly sure why, but I love it! Maybe I like taking a break from the usual and busting out a massive mortar and blowing up guys that are currently hiding behind the cloak of their nano suit. Or Maybe it's the giant mech that you can ride around the map destroying everyone in your path. Either way it's a great game definitely worth checking out. 

(PS, there might just be some Crysis 3 commentary coming out in the near future.)

Lorl

That's right folks, the infamous Steam Summer Sale is here at last! This is actually the first Steam sale I've ever participated in, but needless to say, I'm addicted. Trading cards, FEZ for $5, and enough games to last me the rest of the year. I've purchased over 12 games so far (some of them AAA titles) for only $60! That's the price of one new game!

A few tips and tricks I've picked up from Reddit are:

-Don't buy a game unless it's a daily deal, flash sale, or community choice. This is the cheapest these games will be for the duration of the sale.

- The above rule does not apply if it's the last day (July 22nd) of the sale. If your games haven't gone on super sale by then, go for it!

A few highlights so far have been...

Fallout New Vegas/Fallout 3 for $2.50 each.

Portal Bundle for 6.50

Hundreds of indie games for under $5!

Belle

My recommendation for the week is a flash game available on Steam called McPixel. The game is simple, although hard to explain. Your character is McPixel, a little guy who saves the day by finding and diffusing bombs. But diffusing bombs could be as easy as kicking someone in the butt, or throwing a cow into a vat of gasoline to make it explode and somehow the exploded cow knocks the bomb over and breaks the bomb. Or something along those lines.

The thing with McPixel is there’s no set way to do things- you just have to click around and hope that you don’t end up making out with Obama. Or being eaten by a killer whale. In fact, much of the game is you kicking people and being a general douche. I beat McPixel in about one and a half hours of gameplay, so it’s not extremely difficult. The art is fun, the music is good, and the premise is weird- and it’s only 99 cents on Steam! I recommend McPixel for a fun, entertaining summer game.

Urdon

You watch, forlornly, as the woman across from you flips her perfectly styled hair and chats to a friend. She's half foreign and half legs--and she ca switch effortlessly between two languages as if they are one. Don't you just wish you could be her (or a very feminine him, if you are so inclined)? Well, now you can with the crowd source created app DuoLingo. 

Just kidding, I'm selling you on a free app here. But regardless, DuoLingo is a software that teaches you a new language through similar methods to Rosetta Stone--and it doesn't cost a exorbitant amount of money nor does it have in unnerving commercials. The user can choose from French, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian and German--with the option to learn as a native speaker of one of those languages, or from English translations. The app then gives you a skill tree to follow, like the ones in Skyrim but with way more work involved. Lucky you can still complete it from your couch though. Each tier is a different category; teaching you about food, animals, and common phrases, as well as basic grammar and spelling. The short and well taught lessons make it easy to forget this is a learning app, and using this is often found myself having far too much fun when it came to typing out how to say "where is the bathroom?" in French and what not. It even has s little life bar the depletes whenever you get a question wrong, and coins for when you finish a lesson. It tricks your brain into thinking its having fun and not working, which my brain personally likes a lot. In fact, my brain literally dictated that sentence to me, so you know it's true. And if your high school Spanish let you sail past such basic nonsense, do not fret because the app does give you an option to automatically skip to the more advanced lessons (be warned though: I took nearly 7 years of French and had to start at the beginning. No shame). Finally, while I do find that DuoLingo is great for brushing up my languages skills up faster than anything else I've found, I can't speak to how well it can teach an English speaker, with no prior experience, a new language. But regardless of that, it's fun, it's free, and it can make you sound like a hot foreigner in only a few days (so there was more than one reason I picked French). Don't expect to be fluent, but I guarantee you'll learn where the bathrooms and how to get alcohol within the few two levels, which is really good enough in my books.

Bryan the Cake Loving Artist

I recommend Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space (or BARIS if you're a gangsta like me).
What better way is there to celebrate the 44th anniversary of the first Moon landing (On July 20th) than b recreating the Space Race on your very own computer? In Race Into Space you can play either as the head director of either United States of America or Soviet Union's space program. You will receive money at the start of each year, and this sum will depend on how well you've done so far. Using this flow of money from the government, you must fly missions, starting with basic orbital satellites like Sputnik, and eventually work your way up to the coup de grace, a Moon landing. Of course, this is rocket science, so your missions aren't guaranteed to succeed--and your rival space agency may just make it to the Moon before you if you're not careful. So if you want to discover what it was like to head a space program during the Space Race, check this out! It is absolutely free, as it is an open source program based off the 1994 title of the same name: http://www.raceintospace.org/

BELLE BITCHES ABOUT: THE WALKING DEAD- SEEDS

          I love the Walking Dead! Even if it does desensitize me from gore, makes me want to shoot copious amounts of firearms, and makes me so jumpy that I accost my neighbour’s dog with a noodle scooper as it walks past me.
Overall, I enjoyed the third season opener, “Seeds”. Surprising  because I never like anything. Ever (just ask anyone that writes for this blog!). But as per usual, I had some problems.


1) DAT HAT
I thought I couldn't hate that sheriffs hat any more than when Rick insisted on wearing it every day. Nope, I hate it even more on Carl.

2) KILLING AN OWL
Darryl, why? Why kill the majestic bird of the skies??? Also, that poor owl. I saw the fear reflected in its beautiful, luminescent eyes.

3) RICK RAGING OVER DOG FOOD
Jesus, Rick. Chill. Your kid wants to eat a can of dog food? Go for it. You’re not eating it. Your pregnant wife that you don’t care about isn't eating it. Nope, this is your idiot son that refused to stay in the house and got shot through a deer. Also, puberty is hitting that kid hard. Let him have his dog food before his voice starts to crack.

4) MASKED ZOMBIES
This was the worst part. A bunch of zombies, clad in SWAT gear straggle out of the prison  Suddenly, everyone in the group becomes inexplicably dumbfounded. Darryl even fires an arrow at it, which-to everyone’s shock and surprise- bounces off the armor  Suddenly, it turns into total chaos. Rick bodychecks one, while T-Dog gives it the ole one-two. Somehow, neither of these work. Then, as if a magical sunbeam directly from God parted the clouds and hit Andrea upside the head, she gets a magical idea. Hey, let’s take off the masks so we can stab the zombies in the face!
The rest of the group smiles and nods, as if to say, hey, that totally makes sense! I mean, I was just going to keep punching it in the chest until it died. But taking the mask off it works just as well!
HOW DID THEY SURVIVE SEVEN TO EIGHT MONTHS IN THE WILDERNESS IF THEY COULDN'T EVEN REALIZE THEY HAD TO TAKE THE MASKS OFF OH MY GOD.

5) IMPLIED CARLxBETH
We will look back at this episode and see that it was the seed that spawned a whole range of CarlxBeth Fanfics. And bad youtube tributes, RULE 34, OH GOD WHY. I can’t think of another reason why they’d keep Beth around, except maybe as potential zombie fodder or an expendable whose death will “bring the group closer, yet drive it further apart.” Obviously, Carl’s hit puberty, and yes, there are few choices on the girl department. But I have a feeling the writers are going to milk that crush as long as they can. Also, way to cockblock, Herschel. Totally violated the bro code.

6) GET OFF THOSE BEDS
I don’t care how long you’ve been roughing it in the wild, but the last thing I would do is lie on an abandoned prisoner’s bed that has been sitting there for over a year. That shit defs has bedbugs. And probably the blood of murdered convicts.

OVERALL
As season openers go, this one was pretty legit. There was just enough violence and zombies to keep it going, plus minimal Lori; which is always good. But it leaves me with more questions: How will they shower? Where will they get bullets from? Did they just abandon their vehicles? Will Lori’s baby rip open her uterus with its zombie jaws and burst out her stomach, Alien style?
We can only hope.

Belle Bitches About: REVOLUTION

I like me some J. J. Abrams. LOST? Sure. Super 8? Why not. Revolution?
No thank you.
I love post-apocalyptic stuff. Mostly because I like to think that in the event of, say, a zombie outbreak, I would become really fit. Nothing burns those calories like running from your undead and bloodthirsty families! So when I heard the plot to Revolution, I was intrigued. All the technology in the world shutting down? I’d have to convert all my Facebook hours into something useful in rebuilding society- probably foraging for berries or something.
(Side note: In the event of a nuclear holocaust, I would be a Radiation Canary)
So I ignored my homework and sat down to enjoy Revolution.
Except I didn’t.
Because it was terrible.
Seriously, it was awful. And I’ve watched Bunheads (also terrible).

PLOT 

This dude named Ben phones his wife, warns her all the technology in the world is going to shut down. Also phones his bro Miles, who is driving on the highway. All of a sudden, the phone craps out; along with everything else ever. Including cars- what’s up with that? (Cue Jerry Seinfeld impression) Flash forwards fifteen years until Ben’s daughter “Charlie” (how adorable, using a male nickname shows she’s just one of the guys) is just barely legal. She also has a brother named Danny but as he is younger and whiny and less attractive so we care about him less.
Anyways, there’s sheep and cornfields and shit, and the remaining survivors live in this weird fiefdom where they pay taxes to the Monroe Republic. Ben moons over a glorified flashdrive that he downloaded stuff onto before the blackout. It is also implicitly stated that he’s getting it on with the town doctor, Maggie, since his wife died. Danny has an asthma attack and is generally worthless, while Charlie pulls the “you’re not my mom” argument. We also meet Zak, a chubby man whose sole purpose is comic relief.
A dude named Tom, along with the militia, rolls in and orders Ben to come with him. Danny gets caught in a Mexican stand-off that results in him killing his own father, proving his own worthlessness. Charlie comes back from her teen angst-y huff to find her father dead and her brother kidnapped-surprise!
Ben manages to prolong his inevitable death to croak out a few sentences, telling Charlie that her uncle Miles is living in Chicago. He entrusts the flashdrive to the fat guy.
They make it to Chicago, picking up a potential love interest on the way. They meet Miles in an old hotel, and after the most unrealistic sword fighting scene ever (accompanied with a “family is what matters most” speech from Charlie) our triumphant heroes set on their way.

THINGS THAT WERE GOD AWFUL

1) CHARLIE

Wow, NBC. Are you even trying?
Jumping on the Hunger Games bandwagon, Charlie is an exact replica of Katniss Everdeen, albeit with more cleavage shots. Complete with leather jacket, boots, and- dear god, a bow and arrow. I can’t tell is Charlie is just a huge Mary Sue (mom dead, father dead, strong sense of family values, honey brown hair) or is just the worst character ever. During her impassioned speech to Miles, I actually thought she was copying it word for word from the “Ohana means family” speech from Lilo and Stitch  Also? No self-respecting woman is gonna traverse miles in a tiny little tank top. That’s when you bust (pun intended) out the sports bra.

2) DANNY

Way to give asthmatic people a bad name, bro. In ten minutes of screen time, Danny manages to get himself captured by the militia and kill his own father. Good job, champ.

3) ZAK (THE FAT GUY)

Okay, fine. I’ll let the whole sports bra thing go. But seriously, it’s IMPOSSIBLE for this guy to trek through harsh terrain! How is he even that chunky? All you can eat in the technological dark age is twigs or animals you can butcher yourselves! I thought it was survival of the fittest! Why would Ben give the flashdrive to this dude and not his own daughter? Why does he spell his name like that? HOW DOES HE HAVE PRESCRIPTION GLASSES?

4) SHIRTLESS LOVE INTEREST

Don’t mind me here, just fishin’ in the river with my shirt off! Perfectly normal thing to do! What? An attractive female, just around my age? What a coincidence!  Look at me, in the prime of my youth! Everyone will write R-rated fanfics starring Charlie and I! Surprise, I’m on the opposing side! How even MORE romantic!
Yeah right, buddy. Everyone and their friggin dog knew you were a bad guy. Also, did you even have a name at all? I got nothing.

5) MILES

All right, I’m just saying what we’re all thinking. That guy is Bella’s dad, sans mustache. And I don’t like that.

6) GUNS > SWORDS

I don’t care how many flips you do, or how many stone pillars you hide behind. If you have a sword and the other guys have guns, you’re pretty much out of luck. Also that was the least realistic fight ever.

7) DAT ACTING

Oy, that was rough. Everyone sounded like they had the vaguest notion of how humans were supposed to act. It was like they got the scripts a week before and were like “oh, I’ll read it later, I have zumba”, then were like “Oh yeah, that. Well I still have four days, I’ll do it sometime.” Then when filming rolls around they realize that they actually haven’t done shit all. Better do a quick skim and bullshit the rest!

8) YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD

Except it’s pretty much a given that your mom is, in fact, NOT dead. Way to go Ben, you’re shacking up with a woman WHILST YOUR WIFE IS STILL ALIVE. I hope you feel like a dick.


I didn't like this show. I didn't like it at all. I wouldn't even give it the privilege of being “That Show that I Watch When There’s Nothing Else On” (That is reserved for old reruns of the Office). I watch a lot of bad TV, but this was pretty bad. I didn't even find Male Love Interest attractive.

OVERALL

I liked the part where the planes fell from the sky. That was pretty cool.

2/10, would not watch again.